Is your Tone of voice Preventing You From Finding Love?

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What if I told you that changing your one of voice could dramatically change your dating? Would you roll your eyes and say, “Okay, now I’ve really heard it all! What are you going to ask me to do next? Paint my face orange and run around my house three times in the opposite direction? inch

Actually, that has to be funny, but no, I am not going to ask you to do that. I am, however, going to claim that you start paying close awareness of the way you sound when you speak to people, particularly when are speaking to someone on a date. This is an extremely important and often overlooked area of dating. If you aren’t careful, your tone of voice can easily send the wrong message and let down the very people you want to attract.

Doctor. Albert Mehrabian, Mentor Emeritus of Psychology-a leading in the understanding of the effectiveness of communications since the 1960s-says that there are basically three elements in a face-to-face communication:
• 7% of a message is in the word what that are voiced
• 38% of a message is in your tone of voice
• 55% of a message is in your facial expressions

These statistics show that your facial expressions and tone of voice have a disproportionately large affect the messages you send. If your tone and your expressions do not match with your words, your date won’t believe what you’re saying. For example, even if you were to say, “I would like to go out again on Friday night, inch if your voice is flat and your face is unanimated, your date will conclude that you’re not really interested in going out again.

Changing then tone of voice or your facial expressions isn’t easy, but I have pointed out that, when you change your voice, your facial expressions change, as well. Most clients don’t like it when i tell them that they must pay better awareness of how they sound to their dates. “That’s odd, inch my client, Christine, laughed and said recently. “My voice is my voice. Why would I want to change it? inch

I continued, “Often when you are talking to me about men and your experience with online dating, you sound angry and accusatory. Most people are not conscious of how they sound. They don’t understand that if they are feeling angry or disappointed about something, even if they try to pretend that everything is okay, their true feelings will come across in their tone of voice. The frustration I hear in your voice might be causing men to distance themself from you. inch As the conversation unfolded I handled dedicated to anxiety. “Would you agree that you sometimes get anxious? ha I asked.

Suddenly, Christine appeared to know very well what I was saying to her. “I do. I find myself anxious all the time. I find myself forced at work; I find myself pressure from my children to get married. Lots of people have said on what anxious I can be. inch

“This anxiety comes across in your voice and, my guess is that it can set the people around you on edge. Think of it this way: your voice is like music. If you listen to Techno, the beat is driving and it can make you feel jittery. If you listen to deep breathing music it enables you to feel tranquil and more relaxed. inch

To help Christine better understand, I imitated her tone of voice. “OMG! Is that really how i sound? inch she replied. “No wonder no one’s asked out for a second date! inch

Christine isn’t the only person who suffers from this problem. In fact, most of us do. My tone of voice used to be condescending, bossy, and lecturing. It was so bad that we once had a boyfriend who started walking in the opposite direction out the entranceway saying, “Leave me alone, I can’t listen to you talk anymore! inch Thankfully, I can laugh about it now, but it was one of my lowest moments.

But I really begun to notice benefit of tone around my coaching sessions. The voices of certain clients would draw me nearer in, while the tone of other clients would push me back. Think of all the different types of voices you come into contact with: bossy, sweet, haughty, chipper, condescending, etc. Start to listen and see how they make you feel. If you have a strong reaction to someone’s voice, imagine how this would impact someone they’re dating or in a relationship with.

To be thinking, “Lisa, how can i increase the tone of my voice? inch The first thing to consider is that you tone of voice is directly related to how you really feel in a given moment. If you are feeling impatient, your voice will be filled with . anxiety. If you are feeling excited, your voice will be filled with excitement. If you are feeling bitchy… Well, you get the idea. If you want to sound more thoughtful, you need to funnel your inner Gandhi. If you want to sound sexier, you need to funnel your inner Marilyn Monroe. Whatever you really feel on the inside will be resembled to your dates through your voice. So, if you want a second date with someone, don’t just say the word what, use the tone of your voice to back up what you’re saying.

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